Yesterday I found out that I have a thyroid functioning at level POO! OMG! The nurse stood there reading the results with a look of disgust on her face. WTF!?!?!
Today I'm having mixed emotions about my recent diagnosis... Part of me is totally bummed that I'm not "normal" and will most likely have to be on thyroid medicine for the rest of my life & another part of me is hopeful that this means that once my meds kick in all my hard work & dedication will FINALLY start paying off. My relentless calorie counting. My obsessive exercising & every DIET ever known to man. Which reminds me- apparently THAT is what got me here. My years and years (since I was 14- WHAT?!) of crash diets, fad diets & over training my body... UGH- all this time I thought I was "healthy!" and keeping my body fit. What a disaster.
So now I feel like I'm in limbo. I pretty much wanted to CRY at the gym this morning. (I don't recommend crying at the gym- it scares men!) I don't know what to do now... Continue what I'm doing? Or shoot myself in the face. (If you're new to my blog you'll soon learn I use sarcasm as a defence mechanism. I assure you I will NOT kill myself)... ugh! That's all I can say.
I did go to B&N and purchased Jillian Michael's (The female trainer on the Biggest Loser) new book "MASTER YOUR METABOLISM" in hopes of finding some info/guidance. The first 3 chapters were amazing. I felt like I could have written the book myself. She too was diagnosed with hypothyroidism at age of 30 from years and years of crash diets & over training and struggled with so many of the same emotional issues that I did/do. I really felt like I had found a new bible (sorry Jesus) but then it got really HEAVY. She goes into a tyrant about how toxic everything (and I mean EVERYTHING) is! How all of our food is CRAP and how we should all "go organic" and NEVER touch anything processed or packaged. It's been VERY overwhelming to say the least. And tonight I stood in front of my pantry trying to find anything that didn't contain poo-touse or hydro-by-crapos. Everything is filth. I ultimately decided on a new york steak, mixed broiled veggies, sauteed mushrooms & onions & a big 'ol glass of red wine. I think that's called defeat. Or failure. I don't know.
I'm only about 1/3 of the way through Jillian's master your metabolism & never eat another thing again book so I'll keep you posted on my ultimate review. I will also try & update you more about my progress (hopefully it WILL be progress) with my thyroid meds & constant strive for perfection.
Again- no witty banter to end my post.
